The government has been criticised for cutting the number of staff working for the British Jobs Survey, and relying instead on information gathered from the elderly parents of those in work.

The latest figures based on this method of collecting employment data has seen a dramatic rise in the number of people who ‘do something in computers’ with the encouraging news that 100% of them ‘are doing very well.’ Other jobs that were revealed to be on the increase were ‘working in London’, ‘something to do with money’ and ‘in a very smart office’. According to the survey of parents, not a single individual was reported to be working as a ‘senior financial advisor to systems analyst set ups’ although this may have been covered by the wider demographic described as ‘working for a big firm who are one of the top ones.’

‘It is ridiculous to attempt to rely on this sort of vague and ill informed data,’ said Professor Sally-Anne Donohue, Senior Statistician at the British Jobs Survey.

However her authority to comment on such matters was brought into question by her official entry in the Elderly Parents’ survey. According to the latest information ‘Sally-Anne’s still working at the moment, yes, which is a shame. I think she’s a secretary or something. But these days it’s actually quite common for a girl to work for a little while before you start a family.

I expect she’ll meet a nice man soon and be able to stay at home. Our Bryan’s doing very well though. He’s something to do with computers…’